Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Take Me In.

Ah, Brooklyn: a place I had visited but three times in my life, most recently for a wedding in 1985.  My father, who grew up in Queens, once said that it was easier in the 1930s to go to a foreign country than to travel the 10 miles or so to Ebbets Field.  He did admit to going to see the Dodgers play there once, after at least two failed attempts to find the borough.

In the intervening years since my father wandered the tunnels of the subway in search of those pearly gates, the allure of Brooklyn has dimmed somewhat.  Entire neighborhoods have acquired infamy as places visitors should not venture: Bedford-Stuyvesant has long been a symbol of urban blight and neglect, while other areas have become home to a new (if undesirable) class of immigrants, such as the Russian Mob in Brighton Beach.  To be fair, I cannot determine if that appellation is a Hollywood storyline or actual fact, since I've never been there.  Finally, there's Coney Island, another place I've not seen but feel omission from my bucket list will cause no tears.

Lately, Brooklyn has developed a new patina, as home to hipsters, urban pioneers and others, who have been accused of "gentryfying" the neighborhoods.  Allegedly, it is home also for what passes as affordable housing in New York.  These tribes are rumored to regard Pabst Blue Ribbon, a beer we settled on in college when we couldn't afford anything better, as some sort of nectar.

Brooklyn is now home to younger daughter Amanda, who has worked there the past three years, actually residing there since the middle of last year.  I recently traveled north to visit her and to see what all the fuss is about.

In a word, I was impressed!  While a good number of the old buildings are in a state of disrepair, there are some gems that have been restored.

This, for example, is the old Williamsburg Savings Bank, one of the tallest clock towers in the world. Apparently, it is now home to some higher-end condos.  

I was struck by the number of warehouses, many of which have been artfully tagged by local artists.  Some have been restored into shops or restaurants.  We went to an especially wonderful place, called Ample Hills Creamery, where I enjoyed perhaps the finest ice cream I had ever tasted.  One of the buildings that caught my eye was this one:

I know someone has to make caskets; I always assumed they came from some outfit called Lighter Than Air or Eternal Respite.  I had no idea that someone would actually call such a company by the items it manufactures.  

Amanda explained that part of the Brooklyn experience is complaining about going to that other island, which we did, a couple of times (went, not complained).  We met up with friends at the Marriott Marquis, where our tour guide led us to a wonderful cafe near the theatre district called Don Antonio, where we laughed and ate to excess for too short a time.  Afterwards, we visited the guardians of the New York Public Library, Patience and Fortitude, who are old friends to us. 

Our next visit to that island was to tour the Lower East Side Tenement Museum.  Over 7,000 people lived there in the 70 years before New York began to regulate such buildings.  There are several different tours, each relating the tale of one of the families that lived there.  After our tour, we all wondered that anyone survived that era in such a place and felt grateful that our ancestors, who certainly had their challenges when arriving here, did not have to live in a place quite like that. 

We explored Brooklyn Bridge Park, the school where Amanda teaches and saw a variety of neighborhoods, ranging from the elegant to the still marginal.  I think it would be a hard life, to exist there.  While I was fascinated by the diversity of life, people, buildings, businesses and neighborhoods, I fear I would find it overwhelming to live there.  

But then, I'm a bit older than my hosts/tour guides.  They are both at a great age and in a great spot.  They seem to relish the wonders of living in such a stimulating environment.  For them, getting on a train to the City or walking a mile or two are just part of everyday life.  I'm thankful for the time I had with them and the many memories they created.  

Thanks, tour guides!  I can't wait to go back!

Here's the (real) Deal

Ah, the midterm elections loom less than a week away.  I know not what has transpired in other states; what I am acutely aware of is that, where I live, one should not watch any local channels.  Whenever I make the mistake of doing so, I am bombarded with ads, attacking first one, then another, candidate for statewide office.  I have learned that one supports terrorism, while her opponent is a serial outsourcer.  Another candidate will defund education, while the other has already done so.

I have seen these ads run back-to-back for the opposing forces; sometimes I've witnessed four in a row.  And, this has been going on for weeks.  While I appreciate the fact that the organizations behind these four candidates are creating jobs for those who write and produce these ads, which are, to be charitable, thinly-veiled lies about their opponents, there are perhaps far better ways to invest such gargantuan resources.  One news organization (with no axes to grind nor candidates to support or bash) reports that over $4 Billion (yes, with a B) will be spent on this year's Congressional elections.  Even more astonishing, Congress, which has an approval rating below the DMV, zombies and the IRS, will see over 95% of its incumbents returned to office.  

In other words, we have only ourselves to blame.

Back to Georgia: once one sorts through all the bluster, half-truths, false accusations and outright slanderous lies, there are some clear choices.  In the race for Governor, permit me to post a single photo:

Do you remember that day, fellow residents of the Peach State?  A two-inch snowfall completely paralyzed all of metropolitan Atlanta, causing massive traffic jams that resulted in motorists being stranded for many hours, often in multiple digits.  

Worst of all, there were hundreds of school children who were unable to make it home on their scheduled buses, due to the massed congestion all around them.  Drivers returned their charges to their schools.  Fortunately, dozens of teachers took it upon themselves to stay overnight in these schools, to ensure the safety of the children.  

Stephen Covey has a quote that is appropriate here: Act with integrity in the moment of choice.  

In the time leading up to Snowpocalypse Atlanta 2014, the Governor did nothing.  He chose not to act.  At the one time during his administration when he had the timing, position and authority to do the right thing, he failed miserably.  Because of his unbelievably botched decision, he depended upon the kindness of school teachers to prevent the potential disaster of stranded children or fates even worse.  

I don't know what factors led to Mr. Deal's inaction.  Perhaps he feared the reaction of the small government crowd or of the local business elites.  Perhaps he was ill-informed (although, the Weather Channel did accurately predict the precise conditions the day before).  I realize he has made massive cuts to the Hope Scholarship program.  I know he signed into law the carry-anywhere bill.  I'm sure he has made other decisions with which I disagree, but, that's politics and also the ante to get into the game of a free, democratic society.  However, that single moment in time, when Mr. Deal chose inaction, putting the lives of thousands of people at risk, is enough to prove to me his lack of mettle.  In short, the man prominently displayed his incompetence for the job.  And, for this, we should reward him with four more years?  

In the event that you find my arguments unpersuasive, here's a link to what Jon Stewart had to say about the whole fiasco.  That he branded it South Parked should give you an indication.

http://on.cc.com/1rJE9uC

As in: Shame (on) Us

In the late 80's, the premiere basketball team was the Detroit Pistons, aka the Bad Boys.  This team was characterized by aggressive play, exemplified by the unfortunate combination of a shooting forward's touch with a tight end's body and a fiercely competitive nature: Bill Laimbeer.  Due to his lack of agility on the defensive end of the court, Mr. Laimbeer's primary role was to mug the opposing team's star, whenever one had the gall to drive the lane.  When whistled for the inevitable and obvious foul, Mr. Laimbeer usually displayed shock, disbelief and outright denial.  I considered him the poster child for poor sportsmanship.  Years later, when I led training sessions on accountability, I related the story of Bill Laimbeer, among the most famous practitioners of refusal to take responsibility for one's actions.

Most of the football news over the past few weeks has been full of instances of men behaving badly.  There are many examples.  If I merely mention the names Ray Rice and Jameis Winston, does it create a picture in your mind?

As soon as I saw the video of Rice brutally dragging his then-fiance out of that elevator, I had a pretty good idea of how she became unconscious.  I was appalled that she was asked to testify with her abuser present in the room during the NFL investigation.  I later learned that the current commissioner has had 24 similar cases of domestic violence cross his desk during his tenure.  It was only last week that he revealed that he had just learned that such a practice was not proper.  Apparently, the victims might be intimidated in such an environment.  Considering the legion of attorneys that are employed by the league to keep themselves out of jail, this denial is nothing short of astonishing.  Even worse, there were whispers that, perhaps, the woman had provoked the attack.  There were statements by Ravens officials (this, the team whose most famous player in their checkered history has as many felony indictments as Super Bowl rings) that, perhaps, something good could come out of this, that things might change.

I should not be surprised.  After all, this is an organization that has consistently denied and challenged allegations that its players suffer serious long-term brain injury as a result of what happens on the field.  This league allows wildly unsportsmanlike celebrations to occur when a defensive player does his job, which is to stop the offensive player in his tracks.  Sack dance?  Why don't we call it showing up one's opponent?

The other bad news of the week was brought about, again, by the incumbent Heisman Trophy winner.     Several months ago, he was nabbed for shoplifting crab legs out of a grocery store.  He was suspended for a few baseball games, with his team's officials rubbing their hands in obvious dismay, saying that young Jameis needed to show more maturity, to learn a lesson.  This week, in what is at least the fifth example of questionable behavior on his part, he allegedly uttered a vulgar obscenity in a very public place on his college campus.  He was immediately suspended for half a game, so that he would learn his lesson. Later, he was suspended for the entire game.

On Saturday night, Jameis showed up on the sidelines, in full pads, prior to the game for which he was suspended.  I drew a couple of immediate conclusions: First, I was amazed that no one on the FSU staff had discussed the terms of suspension with him.  Second, obviously, he has not learned any lesson.  Was he expecting that he would be allowed to play?  After a clear lecture from his coach, he went back to the locker room, emerging a few minutes later in his jersey, spending the entire game on the sidelines, frequently shown on camera.   I thought he was suspended?

I posted something the other day, in which I said that Jameis has proven, again, that he is absolutely ready to play in the NFL and that his university has, again, found the moral high ground elusive.  Actions by all parties over the past few days reinforce my confidence that my observation was spot-on.

Enough whining.  Here are some concrete suggestions:

• The NFL should immediately donate a sizable chunk of funding to organizations that study and treat the causes and victims of domestic abuse.  Similarly, they should also provide counseling for their employees who practice it.  Perhaps they could partner with one of their major beer advertisers, whose products, as Jon Stewart so artfully pointed out, are intimately involved with nearly every instance of domestic abuse.
• The NFL should also ban all episodes of unsportsmanlike conduct, whether it takes the form of trash talking, arguing with officials or any gestures that demean the opponents on the field.  Successive infractions should result in additional penalties. 
• As for Florida State, suspend him for the season.  It's plain that, despite repeated admonitions from his coaches, he does not get that his behavior is not acceptable in society.  Provide him with counseling and a life-coach who can help him become a mature adult.
• While there is no proof - yet - that Jameis has abused any women, it's only a matter of time before it turns up.  This man is on a dark road that cannot end well.  Since the university has made millions of dollars off his tarnished name, they should put it to good use: Proceeds from the sale of Jameis Winston jerseys (on sale on their website, prices ranging from $55 to $135, including styles for women) should be routed to agencies that treat the victims of domestic abuse and provide counseling and corrective action for the abusers.  

It's not a cure-all.  There should be consequences for boorish behavior.  I am weary of watching the NFL, its highly-compensated officials, an immensely gifted college athlete and his university all acting like Bill Laimbeer.  Who, me?  What foul?

Time to Celebrate

In case you were unaware, this weekend marks the 30th anniversary of what is perhaps the greatest defensive performance in the history of the Final Four.  Of course, I am referring to Georgetown's annihilation of the vaunted twin towers of Kentucky in the 1984 Semifinals.  In that game, the Hoyas trailed at the half, 29-22.  Kentucky did not score again until 10:04 remained.  Georgetown also held Mel Turpin and Sam Bowie (the person selected just ahead of some kid named Jordan in that year's NBA draft) to zero points in the second half.  Kentucky's coach, Joe B. Hall, attributed his team's woeful performance to aliens obstructing the rim.  Actually, it was more a matter of being out-coached and out-played.  The final score - 53-40 - was far closer than the game itself.

Oh yes.  It's also Opening Day.  Purists may pooh-pooh that notion by arguing that this can only occur in Cincinnati on Monday afternoon.  Yet, I heard the Season officially started a week ago in Australia (we'll save Australia/don't wanna hurt no kangaroos), of all places.  While Baseball can bring out the most rigid aspects of my biases (shall we discuss over 40 years of evidence that the DH rule is a failure?); arguing against a Sunday evening Opener is not one of them.

I have enjoyed the snapshots, predictions and stories that have blanketed the airwaves over the past months.  Based upon all this chatter, I have reached the following conclusions:

• Robinson Cano will likely lead the Bigs in on-base percentage, since there is no one in that lineup who will strike sufficient dread in opposing pitchers NOT to pitch around him.
• Miguel Cabrera will be paid approximately $45,000 each time he comes to the plate.  Yes, in less than 3 minutes, he will be paid more money than two-thirds of all the teachers in the US earn in an entire year.
• It will be Derek Jeter's final season.  While he has played his entire career with my least-favorite team, he has been a joy to watch.  I think he is, along with Cal Ripken, among the savviest players ever to play the game.  That backhand-flip play - in the postseason, no less - ranks as one of the greatest plays in any sport.  I will miss seeing him in the lineup, but not his contributions to his team's success. 
• The Marlins will not win the pennant.  Their owners - among the least competent in the history of baseball (and that's a pretty low threshold) - will continue to rake in the cash in their publicly-funded billion-dollar playhouse.  They are actually selling Groupons for their opening day, as they do not anticipate approaching a sellout.  Wow.   
• Games will last over 2:45, or, nearly 30 minutes longer than they did 30 years ago.  Why is that?  I have heard it has something to do with TV timeouts, the superstitious adjustment of batters' armor between every pitch and the emergence of specialty pitchers in this era.
• Umpires will not call a strike above the waist.  I've ranted about this before, so need not repeat it.
• Barry Bonds will not forfeit all the batting records he accomplished, nor will he admit any wrongdoing.  He has been asked to throw out the first pitch on Opening Day in Pittsburgh, along with Dick Groat.  It would be more appropriate if Mr. Groat threw out Mr. Bonds.    

Perhaps the biggest piece of news over the off-season was the announced intent of the Atlanta Braves to move to a stadium outside the city, in nearby Cobb County (disclosure: where I live and work).  Their rationale is primarily that they wish to move to a location closer to their base of fans.  I have no argument against that.  I also have no issue with their unannounced desire to locate their team in an area far less threatening than their current home.  I do have other issues with the move.

First, I have no idea how fans will get to the game, at least on weeknights.  The stadium site is less than a mile from one of the busiest highway interchanges in this already badly congested metropolitan area.  There is no room to build another road, let alone an off ramp.  As someone who traversed this trafficked area twice a day over the past three years, I can only breathe a sigh of relief that I moved away from it.

The team and the county have pledged to create all these jobs, too, something typical when billionaires ask a government to pay for their toys.  Yes, there will be construction jobs.  But, the jobs required to staff the park (81 days a year, somewhat less than the 250 or so considered to be full-time employment) will consist of parking attendants (assuming that autos can actually get there), concessionaires, ticket takers, ushers, clubhouse folks and groundskeepers.  Most of those are minimum wage jobs, or, likely insufficient to allow its holders to purchase a ticket to one of the games to be played there.

The final point is the cost, which is currently estimated at $672 million.  Cobb County has announced that it will cover around $400 million of this expense, while the Braves have grandly promised to pick up any cost overruns, which are typical in these projects.  Honestly, I don't know where the county is going to get the funds.  It's already on the hook for an overpriced concert venue that will never pay for itself.  I suppose they will hike the hotel tax, already sitting at 14%.  This, in a county whose voters overwhelmingly rejected a 1% hike in sales tax (with a mandated expiration date) that would ease some of the congestion on its roads.

The owner of the Braves is Liberty Media, a publicly-traded company that owns lots of other enterprises, including Sirius radio and chunks of different cable systems.   In their annual report,  they estimate 2014 revenues to be in the neighborhood of $4 billion, with profit in the range of $1.5 billion.  Their CEO, Gregory Maffei, received compensation in excess of $57 million in 2012 (the last year for which I could find the figure).  In other words, they have lots of cash in very deep pockets.

I am old enough to recall a rule of thumb followed by all mortgage lenders in the days before they concocted the Ponzi scheme of the most recent decade that bankrupted our economy (while curiously enriching the very people who led us down that path).  The magic number was 28%.  Translated: the amount of your monthly payment must be no more than 28% of your monthly income.  It was simple; if you could not make that target, you didn't get the loan.  By my math, using this same formula, Liberty Media could build two stadiums out of their profits from a single year.

Finally, the big question: if Liberty Media wants a stadium so darn bad, why don't they build it themselves?  Goodness knows, they have the resources to do so.  But, I don't think that's going to happen.  I have a suspicion that somewhere, in the next few years, there will be some pronouncement of a bond issue with some fancy name, like Cobb Entertainment District Revitalization, worth several hundred millions, placed on the credit card of its citizens.  I would hazard a guess that the profits of Liberty Media will soar into even more billions.

Recently, the Georgia Legislature was considering a bill that would require all recipients of food stamps to be subject to screening for illegal drug use.  The intent is that anyone receiving government assistance should not be using that assistance to consume something illicit.  My final question: since the folks at Liberty Media will benefit from so much government largesse, will they be required to undergo drug screening as well?

Still, I love the game.  There is no feeling quite like strolling through the labyrinth of ramps (or, in newer stadia, escalators) only to emerge, seeing for the first time that day, that expanse of green known as a ball field.  The sound of the ball hitting glove, the thwack of the bat striking the ball, the swell of the crowd as the ball streaks into a gap in the outfield... ah, there is nothing like it in any other sport.  It also means summer is not far behind.  It's almost all good.

Madness

This may well be my favorite month of the year.  To wit:

Dogwoods, tulips and other flora have been abloom, after a winter that gave us far more snow in Georgia than I am ever willing to see again.

Spring Training is in full swing (pun, unintentional), with all the optimism and Hot Stove League chattering that goes with it.

I'll be on the golf course soon!

And, there's that little matter of that basketball tournament going on.

Ah, more about that last point:  I am fascinated with the intensity of nearly every game.  I enjoy seeing a lower-seed school knock off a powerhouse, particularly when it's a small school (rock on, Dayton, for whipping the CCUF*),  When I have no rooting stake in the outcome, which I do not, since my beloved Hoyas are sitting this one out, I pull for the better school to emerge on top (sorry, Stanford).  One of the things I learned this year is that I have severe dislike for many of the schools involved.  

I was visiting my sister and her family (Rock-chalked Jayhawks graduates and fans all) last weekend with my daughters (who proclaim there is nothing greater than being a Florida Gator).  The discussion went like this: no, not VCU, they beat Georgetown twice in the tourney.  Never Syracuse, since their coach is such a whiner.  Villanova?  Ach!  They pulled the alleged greatest upset of all time!  In fact, for nearly every team playing, I had some objection.

To keep it interesting - and to maintain a lowered blood pressure - we came up with a game.  There were so many shots of the coaches that we determined we should guess what career these men would follow, if they were not basketball coaches.  Mind you, all this was done while sober and paying homage to the final scenes of Animal House, as the camera breezed through the after-lives of the main characters.  A brief sampling:

• One is a speechwriter for a Republican Congressman, while another is that Representative.  Neither being political statements, merely what they looked like.
• Billy Donovan is a maitre'd at a restaurant.
• Rick Pitino manages a tire store; we could not determine if it is located in Bloomfield NJ or New Haven.  He's also sleeping with the cashier.
• John Calipari works for Halliburton, currently under indictment for over-charging the government billions for work either not performed or done shabbily.
• Roy Williams is the president of his condo association in Naples FL.
• Tom Izzo is a school bus driver who yells at the kids on the bus.
• Tommy Amaker is a musician.  
• We decided that some player, whose name and school we have forgotten, has a card table in Times Square, from which he sells socks.  
• Craig Sager is some sort of televangelist.  While the voice and personality may not fit, the clothes certainly do.
• Another coach, whose name and school now escape me, is a General Practitioner.

See how easy this is?  It proved to be a great distraction, so much so that I have forgotten many of the other ones we concocted.  I look forward to watching the remaining games, if for no other reason than to designate the appropriate positions for the people we see.  Chime in with your own thoughts.

*CCUF - Columbus Campus of the University of Florida, since they own them.

It's That Time Of Year Again!

That it's nearly September conjures all sorts of happy thoughts to mind.  In a few days, throngs of people will gather in places as diverse as Lincoln, Eugene, Norman and Gainesville.  The air will be full of bands playing fight songs, roars of crowds and either joy or angst afterwards.  The national powerhouses will be playing an assortment of Cupcake State squads, truly reminiscent of lambs led to slaughter.  

I suppose there will be tailgating and other such rituals.  I suppose that some player from Ohio State or Georgia or Florida State will earn a half-dozen stickers to put on his helmet.  What happens if one of them fumbles away the game?  Does that person get a demerit, or does that show up as a bald spot on said helmet?

While I have not paid much attention to the polls, I do know that Alabama is favored to win it all, surprising no one.  Texas is supposed to be good; my guess is, if they underachieve again, the highest-paid coach in the game will have to ply his trade elsewhere, certainly for less lucre than he currently gets paid.  At least he won't have to wear that dreadful orange anymore.  My two favorite teams are picked to finish no higher than 3rd place in their respective conference divisions, so it may be a long Autumn for my teams, subjecting me to much ridicule from friends and colleagues.  As long as they come out on top of their arch-rivals, I can tolerate a few defeats.

It has been an active interlude since January.  Coaches have moved on to other spots, either willingly or not.  I have yet to see a picture of any one of them with a smile on his face.  Today, I learned that Urban Meyer has banned any spectators from watching his minions' practices from wearing a blue shirt, as it reminds him of Michigan.  I wonder what he's afraid of?

I recall incidents from years ago that remain stuck in my craw.  Like that high school kid from New Jersey back in the 70's.  Upon enrolling at Notre Dame and being awarded #7, changed the pronunciation of his name, so that it rhymed with Heisman.  I still resent that the only two-time winner of that award was from Ohio State.  I do know that, in one of those years, one of the runners up was the most exciting player of the day, Joe Washington (I can see the headline now: Sooner Slighted!).  Usually, the award does go to one of the very best players in the game.  As such, I have an expectation that the winner will also be a person of character.  While it is not always the case, I do think that several of the recent winners - Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, Robert Griffin III - were young men who brought honor to the award.  They certainly did nothing to diminish it.  There are others (hey, Ricky Williams!  Can I borrow your laptop, Cam Newton?), who, well, let's just leave it at that.

I would be remiss if I did not comment on the biggest story of the week, that guy from Texas A&M; you know, the doppelganger for that banjo playing kid from Deliverance, the incumbent Heisman winner.  I must first confess my dislike for anyone known as Johnny Football.  Ted Williams was known by some as Teddy Ballgame, but, that was awarded to him after many years of adding to his Hall of Fame Credentials.  As for this scholar/athlete, I don't believe he has earned that title.

Speaking of earnings, it seems he was unaware that, by signing his name thousands of times on various pieces of memorabilia, someone would profit from it.  So, his university, which allegedly follows an honor code nearly as stringent as those at the service academies, has determined that the resulting profits from the addition of his signature to these items was inadvertent.  As punishment, he will be forced to sit out one half of their opening game, against that perennial juggernaut, Rice.  He will also be compelled to issue an apology to his teammates.

Way to go, Aggies, you really laid the smackdown on him, didn't you?

My point is not to debate the relative merits of the system of college eligibility.  I am, however, offended at the unmitigated chutzpah of the barons of A&M, to disregard so blatantly the rules of the game and common sense.  I hope they lose to one of the lowlights on their schedule, like UTEP, or Missouri.  That would be poetic justice, indeed.    

Driver's Ed

I have had the good fortune to have lived in many cities.  I confess feeling less enchanted at encountering the myriad gridlocks in these diverse municipalities.  I do not feel enriched at spending so many hours on I-95 in Miami, slowly nudging my way towards the magical Golden Glades interchange, where the roads suddenly opened.  The worst, however, was driving to Logan Airport from the South Shore in the early 90's, while the Big Dig was in its full ditch era.  The highway went from 14 lanes to two in less than a mile.  Not a soul would give an inch to any motorist attempting to merge.  I do believe my younger daughter, who was strapped in the back seat at the time, learned certain words at a far earlier age than had been designed.

When I was a youngster, a neighbor used to drive us to school each morning.  This was perhaps the most educational time of my day, as I learned all sorts of terms to describe the behavior of other drivers.   I probably became a better operator of a vehicle myself, if for no other reason than to defend myself against these behaviors.  For example: I learned that any pickup truck sitting at an intersection ahead would slowly pull into my lane of traffic, whether that movement was safe or not.  I have followed this wise chestnut throughout my years of driving, rarely finding it wrong.

Just as there are regional linguistic quirks, there are regional driving characteristics.  I don't know that they are so pronounced as how various folks describe soft drinks (pop, soda or Coke?), but they do exist.  In Florida one encounters unmistakable third-world driving habits in Miami, the senior driver during the too-crowded season in South Florida and the lost tourists at any time of year in Orlando.  All of which make the Sunshine State not the safest place for driving.

Let's look at a couple of others in my adopted state:

Question 1: When at an intersection with stoplights, if the driver is intending to turn left, after the light turns green the driver should:

(a) Sit behind the thick white line and wait for traffic to clear.  Should the light turn red, wait for the next one.
(b) Slowly enter the intersection and wait for traffic to clear prior to making the left turn.
(c) Throw that cigarette butt out the window.

The operator's manual in every state in which I have been licensed (10 in all) allows movement into the intersection.  If you answered (b), you get to drive, unbothered by the likes of me.  In Georgia, I have noted that most opt for (a), often with a bit of (c) for good measure.  They DO sit there.  While in the car behind the unenlightened, I have attempted waving my arms, honking or making non-obscene gestures in an attempt to get them to move on.  All to no avail; I have resigned to yelling inside my closed car.  Conclusion: local drivers perhaps have not read that particular page in the manual or they missed the question on the test.

Question 2: When approaching an intersection with flashing yellow lights, the driver should:

(a) Stop.  Sit there.  Wait for car behind to honk.
(b) Treat as a yield sign and proceed with caution.
(c) Stop, bark like a dog and throw that cigarette butt out the window.

We're not splitting atoms here, folks, merely operating a motor vehicle.  Again, (b) is the correct answer.  I have seen a combination of (a) and, for those vehicles sporting regalia from the predominant state college, (c).  I guess folks missed that question on their tests, too.

Question 3: What does the sign pictured at the top of this page indicate:

(a) Don't even think about making a U-turn here, buddy.
(b) Oncoming traffic cannot make a U-turn.
(c) Which might work even better if we had a sign that they could see so indicating that proscription.
(d) Stop, bark like a dog, throw that cigarette butt out the window and show us your jorts.

This is a trick question, as the answers are (b) and (c).  I was intrigued by this sign as I had not seen it in all my years of driving.

Bonus question: What is the Michigan Left-Turn?

When I moved to Michigan, I assumed that, as the hub of the automobile industry, I would find traffic designs and patterns that were truly state-of-the-art.  Instead, I found this arcane notion that is so ingenious that not a single other state (to my knowledge) has adopted it.  Even the locals are bemused by it.

The other thing I have noticed in driving all around this country is the variety of bumper stickers.  I discovered this one in a parking garage at DFW:

As a rule, I tend not to characterize those with whom I disagree as stupid or wrong.  Misguided, ill-informed, well-intentioned, perhaps.  But stupid?  To be fair, I should show the image that drew me to examine this sticker.

Since this character obviously did poorly on their driver's exam, perhaps we should use that as a qualification for voting in Texas.  Aren't they in the process of re-writing those rules?

And I did not even touch the topic of parking lots.  Misconnected, unconnected, illogical... I could write a book.  In the meantime, please drive carefully and with common sense, folks; while you're at it, you may want to re-read that operator's manual.  The next car honking at you by an intersection may be me.